Friday, May 8, 2009

Whoa - ohhh - ohhh - OH MY GOD!

FOR ALL THAT IS SACRED AND HOLY IN LIFE, I THINK I'M PERMANENTLY TRAUMATIZED! I am on the last day of my vacation here at home with Gigi. The wife told me not to touch the TV at 10:45 because she was recording something on the DVR. (Shocker - about 97% of the day something is recording and chances are the show is absolutely terrible.) I could only imagine what was taping this time.

So I'm sitting there, peacefully reading the SportsGuy page on our laptop, when suddenly the corpses formerly known as New Kids On The Block start "performing" live on The Today Show. I didn't know whether to puke, shake my head in bewilderment/horror, laugh, cry, or do all of the above.

These men (who, absent their fame, would be ridiculed by any 20-year olds they approached to dance in a club) were dressed in Adidas shell tops, silky black shirts and pants with skinny, white 80s ties. They danced in jerky, awkward movements, occassionaly in unison, while weakly singing solos they each hoped would end very quickly in order to hide from the spotlight and rejoin the group. Every straight man in America must be equally disgusted. I even think Lance Bass might have cringed.

But the most shocking part? Thousands of screaming women surrounded their stage absolutely enjoying themselves. Some were actually crying! I was praying for a fan throwing her top at Donnie Wahlberg at the same time a censor was wondering what the heck happened since "Band of Brothers." Suddenly, the camera zoomed in on Natalie Morales doing some kind of goofy cabbage patch move. I had to look away!

What is it about NKOTB that temporarily suspends all reality and logic for white women between 30 and 40 years old? I was pondering the live train wreck when suddenly my precious little daughter began to stir from her nap. Gigi, like her mother will do when she watches the DVR after her work day ends tonight, started crying at the end of the song. God help me.

6 comments:

TimK said...

One Christmas Eve when the LI contingent were all small, all four of them(Katie, Lauren, Brian and Katherine) were chattering away about how much they loved NKOTB. Katherine was smitten and just inserted Joe McIntyre into covnersation as a non-sequitur every four or five sentences while Lauren and Katie were discussing which one they loved the most. Lauren decided that Jordan Knight was handsome, and I stupidly fished for a compliment by saying, "Oh, he's handsome,like me?", to which Lauren, through the lenses of her eyeglasses, scrunched up her face and deadpanned, "You're not good looking," and Katie solemnly agreed. Mortified, I walked over to the mothers of these cruel children and told them what they said. Lorraine responded, "Kids are so honest!" To which I cried, 'Hey! I'M GOOD LOOKING!" and then Debbie and Lorraine insincerely said, "Oh yeah, sure, you're good loking, right." It was a lovely holiday.

Tom Kirk said...

eewwwww.....i saw some of it.....gross...

TimK said...

The origin of "The Lookaway": http://tsutpen.blogspot.com/2009/05/fun-at-bohemian-grove-40.html

Dennis said...

Tim, I think you're good looking whether you're my uncle or not.

TimK said...

You're so gay.

Dennis said...

LOL!