G, here are some hints to help with the translation of communication by your loving father and mother in case you ever find yourself confused:
When daddy says that he wants to leave by 8:00, he means that the car will actually be pulling away from the sidewalk en route to its intended destination within 60 seconds of the clock striking 8:00.
(I apologize for writing in the third-person but Elmo and Rickey Henderson must be rubbing off on me.)
When mommy says that she will leave somewhere by 8:00, she means some vague moment between 8:00 and 11:45 after she walks to Dunkies to get her coffee (she hasn’t missed a cup since sometime in the 1980’s, I think), showers, blow dries her hair, mulls through 4 or 5 different outfit possibilities while strewing them haphazardly throughout her room, catches up on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, checks her e-mail, and uploads some photos to Facebook. Then, she’ll be ready to go. And no matter what the clock says, it is 8:00 in her book.
When daddy says that he is tipping out on something, he really likes it.
When mommy says that something is her favorite thing in the universe or she hearts it big time, she really likes it.
When daddy says that he is fine, he really is.
When mommy says that she is fine, either you or I or both of us are in trouble.
When daddy says that dinner was good, he really means it.
When mommy says that our next door neighbor is “okay looking,” she’s lying. You can tell because she gets googley-eyed and thinks he’s a dreamy mchottie.
When daddy says that an outfit looks good on mommy, he really means it.
When mommy says that anything was “eh” and shrugs, there’s no way she liked it at all.
When daddy says he wants a treat, he would like an Irish whiskey or a vodka martini with olives.
When mommy says she wants a treat, it better have chocolate in, on, and/or around it.
When daddy says he’s going to bed early, he means sometime before midnight.
When mommy says that she’s staying up late, she means anytime after 9:30.
And when daddy and mommy say that they love you more than anything else in the world, they truly mean it.
A very happy and healthy new year to all!