Friday, November 8, 2013

Dasvidaniya Vasa Deferentia

Well, it’s official.  My sperm bank has closed for business.  Forever.  Seems like just yesterday that the blog's arrival in cyberspace had its premise based on a discussion of my swimmers:

That’s right, my vasectomy completed about an hour ago.  Henceforth, the little guys will be swimming in a pool that no longer has any exit chute.  Apparently, they’ll snorkel around in circles going forward until becoming reabsorbed into the filtration system.  Visions of a garden hose flailing aimlessly in my scrotum keep playing like a projection reel in my head.

Sitting here on my bed with an ice back over my tender cajones, I have absolutely no regrets.  My party of five just feels right.  I have no inkling or desire to expand our family’s population.  I know better than to say never, but my trifecta of children suits me just fine.

After the kids were in bed last night, THE WIFE said, “You’ll never guess what Greta said to me today.”  “What?” I asked.  She said, “I want to have another brother.”  THE WIFE asked, “Why?”  Greta apparently said something like, “There are two girls with me and Tilly, so there should be another boy with Gus to make it equal.”  I laughed probably too quickly and loudly because I detected a look in THE WIFE right away.

“Don’t tell me you want one more,” I questioned with my eyebrows raised.  THE WIFE kinda shrugged and said she wouldn’t rule it out.  My eyes bulged as my brain branded THE WIFE temporarily insane. 

Meanwhile, my own level of sanity is the closest to normal that I’ve experienced in the last two years since Tilly was born.  THE WIFE and I are in a really good place.  The kids and I are in a really good place.  I feel like we are finally ready to rejoin society as a semi-functional unit.  Hell, I might even consider going to a restaurant with the whole family.  (Probably a Panera or Papa Gino’s only, but still…) 

I actually experience relief and joy when I walk in the door to my house after work now.  A few months ago, I’m ashamed to admit that dread predominated most of my commutes home.  Back then, it seemed like every entrance into the house was greeted by some fit or fits of hysteria before I could even take off my shoes.  Today, I might encounter someone mid-meltdown but my psyche has adapted so it’s no big deal if that’s the case.   

What has changed?  What’s been the biggest difference?  Honestly, I don’t really know and I don’t really care.  If I had to guess, it’s a combination of things.  Every day, the kids creep forward incrementally towards being that much more independent.  Every day, I creep forward incrementally towards being a little less selfish and a little more of a real man.  Communication between THE WIFE and I seems to improve and strengthen with every day. 

Would it be the end of the world if we ended up having another baby?  Well, for one – I would definitely need a permanent second job.  Seriously.  (Please tell anyone considering law school to go into the military instead.)  Two, THE WIFE and I aren’t spring chickens anymore – forty, gulp, is just around the corner.  I discovered my first gray hairs last week.  Three, THE WIFE has had three c-sections and I’m not sure how safe it is to have one more.  Four, we are only four years away from not having to pay for day care.  Five, I am going to toilet paper the front yard of my house the day when Gus and Tilly are out of diapers.  Six, we are only about ten years away from sleeping past 7 a.m. on a weekend.   I’ll spare you from the rant by concluding with this: I’m content.

Will Greta, Gus, and Tilly ever have one more sibling in the future?  Is it possible THE WIFE and I may find the urge to add one more personality to our organized chaos?  Of course.  We’ve always been open to the possibility of adoption.  But, for now, I love my family as is.  If the clock ain't broke, don't fix it.

Dasvidaniya vasa deferentia.  We had a good run.  You gave me three great kids.  Now, please heal soon so I can stack some logs and feed my fourth child.


Scott said...

Nice work. It will suit you well. I made my appointment about 10 minutes after Harper popped out. It was a good move. I'm sure you will feel the same way.

Timothy Burke said...

I think it was brave for you to come to this decision. There's no turning back, so your "little guys" would have to be contented with staying inside. Contentment is key here: once you're satisfied with the size of your family, it's up to you if you can afford a few more at this stage of your life. I hope other men would be like you!
Timothy Burke @