Friday, May 1, 2015

Back in Black

I could bore you with reasons why there's been such a gap in any posts, but there's too much good stuff to catch up on.

"M Is For Metal" has become Gus' recent book obsession.  We temporarily lost the book a few weeks ago.  Gus noticed.  He started asking for the book when THE WIFE and I would ask the kids what they wanted to read before bed.  Or at breakfast before school.  (Yes, the kids like to have a quick read during their Cheerios or Puffs or Chex or whatnot.)

Finally, the book resurfaced.  And now all three kids can virtually recite the book word for word.

"M Is For Metal" is a cute but also fairly edgy ABC book that pays homage to some of the classic hard rockers of years past.  The book describes itself as "The loudest alphabet book on Earth."

Like most books of its kind, the outline follows a simple formula.  In alphabetical order, a short blurb takes inspiration from the respective letter in order while applying the musical genre's them.  For example, "O is for Ozzy who cleans up dog-doo.  He rests on the Sabbath and other days too."  The illustration depicts the former MTV reality show star clad in tatoos and slippers ironing, while surrounded by flying bats and a dog who, well, has clearly left a deposit near Ozzy's feet."  It's cute, I swear.

After a hundred reads or so, THE WIFE and I have taken a few liberties and added our own spins to various entries.  The kids have incorporated our creative additions and included them in their own unique ways.  Mostly, the humor is lost on them.  And the subjects of each entry are totally lost on them.

So, this morning as we proceeded through our ritual of breaking fasts, I decided to provide a little video perspective to help better explain the musical innuendo.  The results were amazingly entertaining.  The following is a loose transcript of the experiment.

"Q is for Queen, who were fruity as mango.  Scaramouche, scaramouche, can you do the fandango."  The accompanying illustration shows the band in their classic silhouette diamond pose from the Bohemian Rhapsody video but with different fruit on their heads.  And naturally, THE WIFE and I rarely resist singing the next few words in the song.

Me: There's Freddie Mercury.  He's one of the best singers ever.
Tilly: (confused) Are they boys?  Or are they girls?
Me: They're boys.
Greta: Why do they have hair like girls then?
Me: Well, that was kind of the style back then.
Tilly: (not giving up) Are they girls?
Me: They're boys, Tilly.  You see-

"W is for Windmill, that Pete likes to do.  But just who is Pete?  Who-who, who-who?"  Pete stands in his text book pose windmilling next to the blurb.  There is also "D is for Drums..." and Keith Moon is drumming wildly for the adjacent image but the percussion - inexplicably - is not exploding.

Me: Check out this clip of Pete doing the windmill and rocking out.
Greta: Why is he smashing the guitar?
Tilly: That's so silly, Daddy.
Me: I know Tills.  That's why he's so cool.
Tilly: I want to smash a guitar!  Can I smash a guitar?

"K is for Kiss, with make-up that runs.  Gene is the one with the longest of tongues."

WIFE: Look guys, this band always performed with the crazy make-up on their faces.
Greta: Are they boys?  Or are they girls?
Tilly: Make-up is silly.  Why do you wear spicy lip stick Daddy?
Me: It's chap stick, Tills.  Burt's bees.
Tilly: Yeah, but it's spicy.

"E is for Everyone stuck up the back.  This next song's for you ... it's called 'Back in Black.'"  Dunh.  Duh-nun-nuhn.  Duh-nun-nuhn.

Cue the questions about Angus in a school boy outfit and Gus ordering us forward to the next page.  Tomorrow morning, we'll be back for more ABCs from AC/DC and friends over eggs and bacon.  Hopefully, the volume will stay below 11.

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